The Country We Deserve

I ONCE WROTE ABOUT AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STUDENT WHO BLEW HIS HEAD OFF IN FRONT OF HIS CLASSMATES.

I wrote about 9/11 and Columbine, about Virginia Tech, Aurora and Portland. About Sandy Hook and Charlie Hebdo. About Orlando and Dallas, about London and Ariana Grande, about Paris and Eagles of Death Metal.

I’ve written about it all, for more than 20 years. From my days as a wire service reporter to my current role as whatever-the-hell-it-is-I-really-do (still working on that one.)

And every time I’ve said the same things, felt the same things and decried the same things. Every time I thought it would be the last time, because how could any country, any society continue to live and die this way?

And then it happens again.

And it happens again.

It happens again and again and again and again and again and oh fuck it just happened again.

And I realize, once and for all, that it’s not going to stop. It’s not going to end. It’s not going to change, ever, because we don’t want it to change.

We don’t. We say otherwise, but we lie.

We don’t want it to change. We like it this way.

We see a lone gunman and we call it an inalienable right. We see bodies bloodied and call it the price we pay for freedom. We see 24-hour coverage of carnage and call it a TV show.

We call it anything but wrong. We call it anything but vile and horrific. We send our thoughts and prayers but not our common decency.

We reap what we sow, America. We don’t get the country we want, we get the country we deserve.

Until we change, we deserve this – to every last life, to every drop of innocent blood. We deserve it all.