Gary Goldhammer –author and storyteller.

(Author’s note: the following is meant to be in fun, so please don’t ruin my good post-vacation mood by being all serious, like those people who think Snakes on a Plane is a good action movie — or those who thought I was serious when I wrote this.)

• I had my book deal long before I had my blog.

• I only write once every 7-10 days, and that’s if I’m not busy working. I say something when I have something to say.

• I used to be a newspaper reporter, so I can take criticism.

• I don’t Digg, Rollyo, Memeorandum or know what OPML stands for. For at least six months I thought Del.icio.us was part of the Food Network.

• I spell check my posts and my comments on other blogs.

• I don’t break news — as I said earlier, I used to be a reporter. I’m more of a columnist now, which means I get to share opinions without doing any real work.

• I rarely go to conferences, seminars or workshops. When I do, I don’t alert the world via my blog (e.g., "Light blogging today, traveling," or "At the Beijing airport, they have wireless in the bathrooms," or "Be back in five, gotta Tivo C-Span — yeah, that’s right, I watch C-Span.")

• My journalism career killed any semblance of ego I used to have (I once worked for UPI, which at the time was the journalism equivalent of having an AOL e-mail address.)

• I link when it makes sense to do so, not just to encourage links back to me and increase my Technorati rank. Don’t you agree Jeff, Jay, Steve, Dan and Scott?

• My columns (sorry, "blog posts") have a beginning, a middle, and thankfully, as you are about to discover, an end.