Letters from Heaven: The Rapture is Online

Sometimes something comes along that’s so strange, so off the wall, so borderline nuts that it begs for attention like Michael Jackson at a Chuck E. Cheese.

Such is the case with Rapture Letters, a web site dedicated to helping the recently ascended communicate with the sinners left behind.

According to the site, after the Rapture (when born-again believers in Jesus Christ are taken up to heaven), “there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have just disappeared. Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non-believers will be left to come up with answers. You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to and they just won’t listen. After the rapture they probably will, but who will tell them?

“We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven.”

I have to admit, I’ve been around the Internet for a long time and seen a lot of wacky ideas. But Rapture Letters is, well, heaven sent in its use of modern media.

I don’t mean to be mean – a lot of good people believe this stuff, which is their right. Nevertheless, I first heard about Rapture Letters on The Daily Show, so I figure the subject is fair game.

All anyone needs to do is add the e-mail addresses of their friends and family to the Rapture Letters database, and when the Rapture comes, a form letter will be sent to those poor souls on the first Friday after the Rapture. Choosing the Jewish Sabbath to send a letter to non-believers is a nice touch.

Your loved ones will continue to receive your letter every Friday until they either 1) become true believers, 2) change Internet service providers, 3) save a whole lot of money on their car insurance by switching to Geico. It’s enough trouble getting rid of spam from living people, now we have to deal with spam coming to us from the afterlife.

As a fan of both modern media and pop culture, however, I think Rapture Letters is great. Now the real trick would be getting all the recently raptured souls to start a blog once they get to the Kingdom of Heaven. Maybe Shel Holtz can Skype someone and do a Podcast from the Great Beyond – I’m not sure, but based on Shel’s name, I have a feeling he’s going to be down here with me for a while. The same goes for Shel Israel, B.L. Ochman and I think Steve Rubel. At least I hope Steve is Jewish – I get worried if four hours go by and Steve hasn’t posted anything on Micro Persuasion; I don’t know what I would do if he left for good.

And if any of you are thinking of entering my name into the Rapture Letters database, don’t bother. If you leave this Earth I will know why, and chances are I will be over at your house, using your computer and watching all the satellite TV I want. According to the Bible, once you’re gone I’ll only have seven years left – and I plan to make the most of them.