Britney Gets Knocked Up, Quran Gets Knocked Around and PR Exec Gets Knocked Out (and Tiffany Hits Me ‘One More Time’)

The Republican Party is reaching out to African-Americans and Latinos. The Democratic Party is reaching out to evangelical Christians. What’s next, the Green Party reaching out to polluters and oil companies?

Britney Spears says she enjoys being pregnant – but I bet not as much as we enjoy her not being able to perform anymore.

The Michael Jackson case has gone to the jury. Guess this means that soon it’s back to “Wild On” reruns on E! (not that that’s a bad thing, I’m just sayin’).

Quick, name the winner from this season’s American Idol! Now, name the contestant from last year who claims he had an affair with Paula Abdul! Which was easier to remember?

Tiffany, minus the bubblegum, performed on NBC’s “Hit Me Baby One More Time,” a kind of American Idol for aging one-hit wonders. Tiffany won the British version of the show, which makes me think about what’s more nauseating – that that there was a British version of the show, or that Tiffany won (where have you gone, Kaja Goo Goo?) In any case, big props to Tiffany for turning “has-been” from a state of being into a job description.

A recent journalism school graduate in my neighborhood just got his first job – as a Barista at Starbucks. Don’t worry about him, though, he’s making more money than most reporters.

Doug Dowie, a former Los Angeles public relations consultant, political fundraiser and best bud of outgoing L.A. Mayor James K. Hahn, was indicted by a federal grand jury on conspiracy charges related to a billing scam. The indictment claims that Dowie directed his staff at PR firm Fleishman-Hillard’s L.A. office to pad their hours on City contracts to the tune of hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars. I wonder if he’ll hire a PR firm to restore his public image; I wonder how closely he’ll check the bills.

A Pentagon investigation confirmed that a U.S. soldier deliberately kicked a Guantanamo Bay prisoner’s Quran holy book. Prison guards also threw water balloons causing an unspecified number of Qurans to get wet; a guard’s urine splashed on a detainee and his Quran; and an interrogator stepped on a Quran during an interrogation. No Qurans, however, were flushed down any toilets. So there, Newsweek!

Weird Finnish Story of the Week: A paper mill strike has sparked panic buying of toilet tissue across Finland, with the water closet staple selling out in some areas. Asked about his frantic toilet paper search, Finn Jussi Kahkola said, “I’m wiped.” Turns out, however, his story was just a bunch of crap.

1 Response to Britney Gets Knocked Up, Quran Gets Knocked Around and PR Exec Gets Knocked Out (and Tiffany Hits Me ‘One More Time’)

Chia says:

March 27, 2006 at 7:49 am

Your news commentaries are so funny. Perhaps we could have Michael Jackson host “Wild On” on the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon. Make it more of a family show….?